With apologies to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
The Five Stages of the Giftalong
DENIAL: An Alice Starmore sweater that has to be upsized to fit my "fluffy" friend. The 12 Days of Christmas through 12 pairs of socks. Fingerless gloves for all the girls at the grocery store (it gets cold working by the door!) A dog sweater for my sister's Great Dane. A pretty little snowflake for each of my elementary and high school friends that I still keep in touch with on Facebook. It's only December 4th--I've got this.
ANGER: Are you f-ing kidding me! What do you mean Joann's isn't open 24 hours a day. What is wrong with these people? I need more needles!!!! Crap, the cat just got into the Starmore bag. The yarn's so tangled that it looks like the upside down from Stranger Things. It's got my glasses!!! It's like Barb's looking out at me. And whose bright idea was it to feed the cat. If you don't feed her, she stays in the kitchen meowing by her bowl. Now she wants me to pet her. I am surrounded by incompetence.
BARGAINING: You drive. If you drive I can knit. And I swear I won't say a word. If I use the imaginary brake you can cut my foot off. No really, I'm serious. Is it a deal? If you cook dinner, I'll take care of the dishes (cue the strategically hidden paper plates--no one will notice that they say Happy Y2K.) Hey honey, why don't you go out to watch the game. Yeah, I mean it. Go to that place on Central Avenue. You know, the one right next to Joann's. And since you'll be there already, could you run in and get me 12 sets of size 2 double points. No, really, go. Have a good time. I want you to go drink beer and watch football. Why don't you call (fill in the name of another knitters partner) to go with you. Yeah, my treat!
DEPRESSION: I've ruined (fill in your holiday). I have no gifts for anyone. They all hate me. This is the worst (fill in your holiday) ever! They only really like me for the knitwear anyway. And I don't blame them. I'm useless. I'm going to Walgreen's and just buy everyone a can of Pringles and get this damn (fill in your holiday) behind me. Whaaaa!!!!!!!
ACCEPTANCE: Why yes, I will accept that huge glass of eggnog you are so kindly offering. Because you know what, everyone I'm knitting for knows that I love them. They've gotten finished gifts before. They've gotten gifts on the needles before. They've gotten a ball of yarn and a promise before. And they've loved them all because they know that this is my way of showing just how much I love them--one stitch at a time.
Happy, Merry, Joyful whatever it is you are knitting for right now. Be it sacred or secular, this truly is the most wonderful time of the year.